Atman-Yoga Contemplation Exercise

What is this?

Who am I?

Atman-Yoga Contemplation Exercise on the True Nature of Reality and Identity - turning theory into practice into potential and genuine spiritual self-awakening - esoteric full Self-realization.

For the sake of this esoteric self-inquiry exercise let us now closely examine and contemplate in the profound and deep stillness and silence of no-mind 'I-am' meditation the following: -

    - "Who is this 'I-am' that is self-aware that experience and experiencing is existing and known?"

    - "And who is this 'I-am' that is self-aware and knows that this experience and the experiencing of existence is temporary, ever-changing, impermanent and transitory?"

    - "And is this 'I-am' who is self-aware and knowing that experience and experiencing is existing, ever-changing, impermanent and transitory, transitory, impermanent and unreal too?"

        What is this 'I-am' that is? Who am I? What is this?

If we say and conclude that it is 'awareness' or 'consciousness' that is self-aware and knows that experience and experiencing exists, is happening, ever-changing, impermanent and transitory, then who or what is it that knows this? Who am I? What is this? What is the true nature of reality and identity?

 

       What is the true abiding essence, source, identity and nature of 'I-am'? The 'I-am' of I am.

 

For me, this is the direct pathless quest of esoteric self-inquiring into the ever-present and truth of 'I am'. This being the true essence, source, origin and nature of reality, experience and identity. For Atman-Yoga states that what we intentionally inwardly seek to realize and know is already present to us in all experience, experiencing and the very knowing of experience and experiencing and yet it too remains and is fully free from all experience, experiencing and the knowing of experiencing. The 'I-am' of I am that is always present in all things and experiencing is unmade, unborn, unmoving, perfect, plentiful, formless, complete, inexhaustible, whole, deathless and eternal, and therefore it is called the 'Deathless Self'. What I call, pure 'Spirit' - unchanging, ever-present, inexhaustible, untouched, unhindered, without attributes and absolute. For me, this is the one and true boundless nature, source and essence of 'I-am'. It is the ultimate and changeless truth of reality, experience and identity as it is, regardless of all appearances, forms, conditions, creations and phenomena. It is the 'I-am' of I am. 

I am that 'I-am' of I am.

- we, the individualized self-aware embodied self or should I say the individualized mind, the so-called aspiring and committed atman-yogi, can directly ask ourselves now, in the continued profound and deep stillness and silence of esoteric self-inquiry and contemplative no-mind 'I-am' meditation:-

- "who or what is the true observer and subject of experience, experiencing and the knowing of experience and experiencing, and who or what recognizes the transitory, selfless and empty nature of conceptual and conditioned reality, experience and identity? Can this self-aware observer and knower of experience and experiencing really be known free of cognitive objectification, thinking, intellect and mind-consciousness?" If we are willing to say and conclude that this impersonal self-aware observer and subject of experience and experiencing can be known, then "who or what is it that knows and concludes this?" What or who is the true, ever-present and abiding essence, source, identity and nature of this 'I-am' that is being self-aware and having experience? Who am I? What is this?

 

            What is the one true permanent and enduring essence of reality, experience and identity?

I put it to you that surely what is observed and known to us objectively cannot be the real self-aware observer and knower of experience and experiencing and the same too with 'knowing' and the knowing of experience and experiencing. So the real question in us being spiritually self-aware, awake and aspiring to know directly the true nature, source and truth of reality, experience and identity, is - "who or what is the real self-aware observer and knower of experience, experiencing and the knowing of experience, and can this self-aware observer and knower of experience, experiencing, and the knowing of experiencing really be known free of conceptual and cognitive thinking, mental projections, intellect and objectification?" Can its true absolute essence, nature, identity and source really be fully realized and known? Or are we or anyone really in the position to simply deny its potential existence?

 

If we say yes, then who or what is it that makes this self-assured claim? Who am I that is self-aware? What is this 'I-am' of I am? Is it simply the individualized mind and mind-consciousness - the temporary illusionary observer and subject of experience? 

           And yet with all of the above, who or what is the true knower of all these things?

I now put it to you that potentially whatever is known to us objectively and conceptually cannot be the one or subject that really knows it, and whatever is experienced objectively and conceptually cannot be the one or subject that experiences it. I put it to you that 'I-am' simply is. For me, this 'I-am' does not require or need anything or anyone to validate or conclude its ever-present and abiding existence. It is completely self-reliant, self-sufficient and self-fulfilling in and of itself and therefore it does not require or need an individualized mind or embodied cognitive and conceptual reality, form or realm in order to exist and be. It is, regardless. It is fully free of body, mind and intellect and all potential realms and worlds of experience, experiencing and knowing, and yet it is always one with all things. Nothing can exist or be independent of it. Its essence is all things and all things are made of its enduring essence.

It is simply the 'I-am' of I am.

 

So again, we, the aspiring and committed atman-yogi, can ask in the continued profound and deep stillness and silence of esoteric self-inquiry and contemplative no-mind 'I-am' meditation, "who or what has experience and can it really be known to us beyond the need of mind, intellect and mind-consciousness?" What is the true absolute and abiding nature, source and essence of all reality, experience and identity and the experiencing and knowing of it? What does it potentially look or feel like? What is the true abiding and ever-present nature and essence of the self? Is it all illusionary?

 

Who am I? 

What is this?

Once again, I put it to you, that potentially whatever is experienced and known to us is not the one who is having and knowing experience and whatever is known as an idea, construct or concept, is not the one who experiences the knowing of it. It would seem that experience itself requires a knowing and knowledge of it, otherwise how would anyone know that it or anything existed? And can we say that the knowing and knowledge of existence is or is not the real knower? I strongly and confidently put it to you, that 'I-am' is present in all things, creations and phenomena, regardless. And that all things, creations and phenomena are present within 'I-am'. For me, 'I-am' is the one ever-present and abiding nature and essence of all things and phenomena and this includes the temporary embodied self.

So again, we, the aspiring and committed atman-yogi, continue in the solitude and sole intention of esoteric self-inquiry, silence and stillness on the true nature of reality, experience and identity, to directly, deeply intimately and inwardly examine and investigate in contemplative no-mind 'I-am' meditation, "can the one who is self-aware and has the knowing and knowledge of experience and experiencing really be fully known as an experiential objectless and non-conceptual knowing? Is the truth of reality, experience and identity, of who I am, directly knowable? Can the 'I-am' know itself?

I now put it to you as 'yes' and 'no'. For me, the 'I-am' of I am, simply is. We are that 'I-am'. All things and creations are that 'I-am'. Nothing exists or has is existence independent of 'I-am'. In fact, 'I-am' alone is, and all things are made of its enduring essence. All we can do is say what it is not and whatever is known to us conceptually cannot conclusively be the real self-aware observer and knower of experience and experiencing even if we think and say that it is. As soon as we think and say what it is, it is a conceptual construct, a mental formation, and not the very thing or knower itself. 'I-am' is not a thing in and of itself. It is without attributes and yet it is ever-present in all things and all things are in it and made of it. 'I-am' is not a created, made or conditioned form, phenomena or construct. It has no color, no shape. no size, no gender, no age, no form, no history, no story and no conceptual or conditioned identity, and yet at the same time it can be all these things. It is both nothing and everything. I would go as far to say, the one having and knowing experience cannot really be completely known as an objective and conceptual experience, idea, form or thing. It simply is. It is this ever-present and enduring Self - 'I-am'. The one true Reality that is all things and creations.

 

Esoteric self-realization and awakening can potentially be false in that it claims to know the one who is self-aware and having and knowing experience, and states conclusively that this is what I-am' is; be it 'awareness', 'consciousness', 'soul', God or even 'reality'. Of course, there is some truth to this, but 'I-am' simply is, it is fully without attributes and everything else in a conceptual sense is considered unreal when identified as being separate and independent of 'I-am'. In some way it would be far better for us to stay completely silent and to say nothing in the true recognition and cognitive knowing of 'I-am', and yet 'I-am' is silently ever-present and palpable in all things and all things are temporarily present in 'I-am', and therefore as an temporary embodied self we speak of it. 

Potentially we are only in the position to claim to know what the one who is self-aware and having and knowing experience is not? And that everything that we can know or experience as an object, projection or formation of conceptual and cognitive thinking and knowing, is not conclusively the one who is self-aware and having and knowing experience and experiencing. It is not reality and identity as it really is. What we speak of and point to, is a shadow of the real truth of reality, experience and identity and it is not the thing itself. And yet by the very act of being self-aware, experiencing and knowing reality as it is, there is the knowing of the existence of reality as a temporary experience of mind-consciousness, experiencing and knowing, even now, in this very moment of being self-aware.

 

Again, I strongly suggest and put it to you, that 'I-am' simply is. It does not require or need anything beyond this. It remains totally without attributes. Therefore, as an aspiring and committed atman-yogi, we can now ask directly, "what real purpose does the esoteric self-inquiry and pursuit of full Self-realization really serve and fulfil in us knowing the one who is self-aware and having experience if the one who is self-aware and having experience cannot really be known conceptually and conclusively as a thing and form in itself?"

 

Personally, as a temporary individualized mind and embodied self, I would say, it comes as a consequence of our flawed humanity, and the genuine need for the individualized mind to be free of all suffering, ignorance and bondage. It is a direct need for the individualized mind to transcend the mental anguish, pain and fear of life, limitation and death so as to fully recognize, express and know its own true boundless nature, identity and essence in and as all things. I would say it is so we, the so-called individualized embodied we, can fully recognize and know that which we truly are beyond the limitations, constructs and confines of the mind/body experience. We come to fully realize and know that we did not come from anywhere and we do not go anywhere. It is only the temporary embodied self that is subject to birth and death. And yet all this makes no difference or has no impact on what 'I-am' is. 'I-am' is as it has always been. Nothing has changed or improved in it being realized and known. It is the ever-present one true nature and essence of all reality, experience and identity.

I am the 'I-am' of I am.

What we can confidently conclude in the knowing of reality, experience and identity is that all conceptual and conditioned experience and experiencing is transitory, ever-changing and impermanent, and that the one that is self-aware and having and knowing experience cannot really be known fully in a conceptual and conclusive way, even if one claims to fully know it. Its knowing transcends the mind/body experience, and therefore we have to be willing to put aside the self-importance placed on the mind and intellect, and to willingly and patiently let go and return to the ever-present and abiding formless stillness and silence of 'I-am'. We can do this with asking of the embodied self - 

Who am I?

What is this?

 

I would state to really know something as an idea, construct or concept requires a self-aware knower who is knowing, a knowing, and an object of knowing, and the knowledge of knowing. Therefore knowing is not the one who is having experience. As knowing is also known. It is simply the knowledge and knowing of experience as knowing. It is the knowing and knowledge of reality being known, and yet it is not what reality truly is. Therefore as already stated in the endeavor to reveal the ever-present truth of reality, experience and identity we have to at same point be willing to put aside the individualized mind and its thinking. We have to be willing to put aside the self-importance and reliance placed on conceptual and conditioned reality, phenomena and forms.

 

I continually put it to you that 'I-am' simply is. It is the 'I-am' of I am. It is our true absolute, boundless, free, timeless and ever-present nature, source, origin and essence. It does not require 'becoming' or 'being' or knowing or even 'doing'. It simply is. The ever-present 'I-am' alone is. Even now. All experience, experiencing and knowing happens in this ever-present truth of reality and identity. 'I-AM'.

It is the 'I-am' of I am.

So once again, we now further examine and investigate in the profound and deep silence and stillness of self-inquiry and no-mind 'I-am' meditation, in an endeavor to exhaust the need for conceptual thinking, 'can the one who is self-aware and having and knowing experience really be known beyond the confines, constructs and limitations of mind, body and intellect?"

 

            I put it to you, potentially 'yes' and 'no'.

 

What we can do is say what it is not, and what we say it is, is not the thing in itself. This is the complete paradox of looking for that which cannot be concluded with the so-called mind and intellect. Here the mind and intellect must be eventually put aside. 'I-am' simply is. It is the 'I-am' before the thought and thinking of I am. This is why this esoteric contemplative exercise into the nature of reality, experience and identity is the contemplation of no-mind 'I-am' meditation. 'I-am' is that which exists beyond conceptual thinking and the individualized embodied identity of the mind/body experience. It alone is and yet it is not a thing, concept, construct or form in and of itself, and yet we use concepts, names and labels to describe it and to cognitively know and speak of it.

Yes, reality exists as a conscious, self-aware, embodied and knowing experience. It is evidently present, here and now, and it is existing now as an experienced and known embodied experience of reality and identity; as the knowing and knowledge of experience, and yet what reality, experience and identity are, is not the experience itself. Therefore can the true nature, source and essence of reality, experience and identity truly be known to that which wants to know it without the need for the individualized mind or intellect to know it? Does 'I am' need conceptual and conditioned reality in order to exist or be?

We can say reality does exist as an experience in the presence of 'I-am', but what reality really is, we cannot conclusively know in a conceptual and objective experiential way, although we do use concepts, names and labels to describe it. What it really is, can only be met with the absolute silence and stillness of being self-aware and the knowing of being self-aware which is 'I-am'. Even this profound and deep silence and stillness of being self-aware and the knowing of being self-aware, is not what reality and identity actually are. Reality and identity simply are as 'I-am'. The 'I-am' of I am.

 

As soon as we speak of it, what it is, becomes tainted, marked and distorted. All is reality existing as an experience of reality as the eternal and ever-present 'I-am', and through this experience and experiencing of reality, reality is known to exist, and yet what it is, simply is 'I-am'. It is fully without attributes. It has no color, no size, no form, no gender, no history, no agenda, no past, no future, no present, no inside or outside, no above or below, no story and no birth or death. It is completely free of suffering and the end of suffering. It is fully free of the confines of bondage and liberation. 

As an authentic consequence of this esoteric self-awakening to 'I-am', we, the so-called individualized mind, no longer clings, grasps and attaches to that which is unreal, transient, empty, impersonal, limiting, ever-changing and impermanent. We stop trying to find and have permanence in that which is always changing, empty and transient. We, the so-called individualized mind and embodied self, fully realize and recognize that all experience and experiencing has to be given up in the end, even our ideas, beliefs, opinions, interpretations, views and conclusions of life and death, and what reality, experience and identity are. In this transcendental recognition and knowing of reality, experience and identity what is there to really fear or hate and what is there not to truly love?

 

    We can say reality is 'no-thing' and its nature and essence is 'emptiness', or should I say pure 'Spirit'.

I would openly suggest that mind-consciousness or pure 'consciousness' is a way of reality being known as a consequence of the mind/body experience and the conceptual and phenomenal world, but pure 'consciousness' itself is not the true knower of reality or what reality essentially is. Atman-Yoga suggests and states to us that 'consciousness' itself is also seen as a phenomena of self-awareness and knowing when examining and considering that it too is known objectively. The true knower remains unknown as an object of experience. It remains as the objectless, formless, attribute-less and selfless 'I-am', although we use names like 'consciousness', soul, light and reality to know it and speak of it.

 

Reality is the knower, known and knowing of reality, but this reality cannot be truly known cognitively and objectively for what it really is even though we intuitively get a definite flavor and taste of it. All we can know is that reality definitely exists as an experience of experiencing and knowing, and essentially reality is what we and all phenomena essentially are. It is our one true and permanent identity. It is the one true undying essence, source and origin of all that is. It is the 'I-am' of I am.

 

For me, all experience, experiencing and knowing is Reality being self-aware and knowing its own reality and identity as a myriad and diversity of transitory, ever-changing and impersonal phenomena, experiences, events, conditions, creations and forms. But being self-aware and knowing reality is not what reality is. This too is simply an expression of it. 'I-am' simply is, regardless. No name, no label, no concept or definition is needed or required, and yet we say it is unborn, unmade, formless, colorless, untouched, pure, empty, without attributes and eternal. It simply is what it is as the ever-present 'I-am'.

The 'I-am' of I am.

Even now we continue to contemplate now in the profound and deep esoteric stillness and silence of no-mind 'I-am' meditation, neither mentally looking back, to or forward to the thoughts of past, present and future. Relinquishing and letting go of all the mundane thoughts, desires, urges and demands of life. We do not even hold to the words that have proceeded this very moment. We simply relinquish the mind, body and intellect and all thoughts and feelings into the ever-present silence and still of 'I-am', placing no self-importance, identity or preferences on thinking or feeling, or any other sense impression. Grasping at nothing. Holding to nothing. Chasing after nothing. Letting go of everything. Let us contemplate now, in this continued silence and stillness, the following Atman-Yoga affirmation:

"I am Reality experiencing and knowing Reality as 'I-am'. You are Reality experiencing and knowing Reality as 'I-am'. All is Reality experiencing and knowing Reality as 'I-am', but what Reality is, we cannot say conclusively. It simply is, as 'I-am' and 'Life is'. It is all the Self, filled with the Self, made of the Self, as the Self and forever remaining the Self. This is the nature, essence and source of all things.

We are Reality, here and now. You are Reality, here and now. All is Reality here and now, but we cannot really speak of it as being this or that because this is only an expression of what it is. It simply is as 'I-am' and all things, forms and phenomena exist as a temporary and ever-changing selfless and empty expression of its true essence and nature and confirm to us its very existence. We cannot give it a name, a form, a concept, an idea, a belief, a time, a place, a condition and assume that this what it is. 'I-am' simply is without needing to attach anything to it. What 'I-am' essentially is remains unknown even to those who think they know. It is beyond any conceptual or objective thinking and knowing. It simply is, and therefore we put aside the mind, body and intellect and remain in and as the profound silence and stillness of 'I-am', even when remaining outwardly present and active in the world of things and forms.

The knowing of Reality, the knowledge of Reality and the knower of Reality are not what Reality essentially is, and yet everything, even the feeling and thought of 'I' are temporary self-aware expressions and conditioned phenomena and creations of pure Reality. It is all Reality expressed and known through the self-awareness and knowing of transitory experience, experiencing and knowing. Being, being self-aware and knowing experience and experiencing are simply temporary selfless and impersonal expressions of Reality. Reality is their true absolute essence, source, identity and nature and yet they are not what Reality is. Reality is all that is, and pure Reality alone is despite the appearance of duality and all its ever-changing and endless myriad, complexity and diversity of phenomena, things, realms, creations and forms. What it is cannot be truly known with the mind. It transcends the mind. It simply is as 'I-am', and all alone is this. You are this. In the profound and deep silence and stillness of no-mind, 'I-am' is ever-present and known. Now and always. Eternally that. Only God is Real as the eternal 'I-am'. All is the Self, filled by the Self, made of the Self, as the Self and forever remaining with and as the Self. This is the indestructible, enduring and untouchable truth of 'I-am'. The one true nature and essence of reality, experience and identity.

         Lastly let's consider and contemplate now in continued no-mind 'I-am' meditation:

"I am Reality. All is Reality. I am one with all expressions of Reality and all expressions of Reality are one with me. For my true essence, source, identity and nature is Reality itself. It is Divinity itself - unchanging, unmoving, unborn, unthreatened, undying, boundless, plentiful, perfect, eternal and free. I am that. 'I-am. Life is.' Only God is Real."

I am the 'I-am' of I am. All is this.

      Here ends this Atman-Yoga contemplation exercise on the true enduring and ever-present nature of reality, experience and identity - turning theory into practice into potential and authentic esoteric self-awakening and knowing. Only God is Real as 'I-am'.

            This is the sole message of Atman-Yoga. The Deathless Self alone is. All is this.

Atman-Yoga Daily Mantra: "I am. Life is. I am one with all life and all life is one with me. Oneness in body. Oneness in mind. Oneness in all things."

Atman-Yoga Daily Meditation: 'Only God is Real.'

Song of the Deathless Yogi:

                                        I am 'emptiness'. All is 'emptiness'. 'Emptiness' is all. 

                                    Form is 'emptiness'. Only 'emptiness'. 'Emptiness' is form'.

 

This esoteric blog is dedicated to my earthly mother 'Rita' who transitioned on the 12th December 2021. A truly selfless, kind, beautiful and loving embodied soul, friend and mother.